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Whittington, dba Captain Freedom, takes CIVICC cause to
the Queen
By Margaree Klein
(L A Times July 22, 1977)
The human race – to which most of us belong – counts among its most loveable nuts a man with a fun-track mind. And one who makes a complete asset of himself and his talents.
Possessed of a zany wit as quick as instant coffee, KGIL’s “Sweet Dick” Whittington has become a
legend in his own time in the San Fernando Valley.
Everyone knows that. But what everyone may not know is that this famous personality has blazed a trail for the Valley’s secession movement all the way to jolly old England. When he winged it there on the recent 4th of July Independence Day, he didn’t get away from it all – he took it with him!
The San Fernando Valley flag, his CIVICC-minded T-shirt to boost the Committee Investigation
Independent City/County movement, and, naturally, his “profound” proclamation for the “Sin Fernando Valley.” Wearing his red, white and blue Captain Freedom outfit, Sweet Dick was off to see the Queen (of England that is) to present her with an unexpurgated version of this now historical document for succession.
Unfortunately, the Queen was not in residence at either Buckingham Palace or Windsor Castle when
Sweet Dick paid his courtesy call. A bobby on duty, however, took personal charge of the Declaration of Proclamation and promised to speed it on gossamer wings to Her Majesty, whenever that may be.
What will Queen find when she receives it? Well, the captain of freedom never rubs you the wrong way, so, even though the proclamation may sound funny and scatterbrained to her – to us, the people of the “Sin Fernando Valley,” the whole matter is basically practical….as sound as a nut…as mind-boggling as an orgy at Lawrence Welk’s…as exciting as a Tupperware party as Jackie Onassis.
By now, you probably haven’t got the foggiest of what it’s all about. Not to worry! The whole idea was based on two very important premises:
He who laughs last doesn’t get the joke. And on the hand, he who laughs – lasts.
So in the final analysis, while the people of our mother country hope there’ll always be an England, we in the San Fernando Valley hope there’ll always be a Whittington.
His “Declaration of Proclamation” follows in its entirety, word for word, each letter in its place!
THE DECLARATION OF PROCLAMATION
From Sweet Dick to the Queen of England
Us, the people of the Sin Fernando Valley, in order to form a more perfect non-union shop,
establish Anita Bryant orange juice stands, insure Lloyd’s of London, provide for the
offensive commoners, promote Colonel Sanders to General, and secure the blessings of
Reverend Ike for ourselves and our posteriors, do abstain and extinguish our ties with the
City and County of Los Angelais, State of California, and the United States of Amurica, and
rejoin the British Commonwealth, we being common of wealth and feeble of mind.
When in the course of the Ventura and Golden State Freeways, it becomes necessary for
one people to learn proper grammar and call himself “one person”, and dissolve the political
bonds that are still owed to Art Aragon, bail bondsman, a decent respect and indecent
exposure to the opinions of mankind requires that they declare the causes which emplore,
cajole and nudge them toward secession.
We hold these truths to be irrelevant – that all gardeners, whether they be Japanese or
Mexican, are created equal, and none of them can trim grass around a flower bed without
decimating your philodendrons; that the valley is endowed with certain earthquake faults and
rights-of-way, and among these are life, liberty and the pursuit of an honest swimming-pool
builder.
We, therefore, the reprehensible representatives of the Sin Fernando Valley, in general
incongruity, appealing to the prurient interest of the world, decree and decry, near de end of
dis bit dat de Sin Fernando Valley is and by right should be, a dependent and disinterested
state, and we implore and imply the Queen of England to accept our allegiance and our
leeches and other Valley resident into the Empire of great Britain, in his name, and her
name; we aren’t sure of they’re still going together, on this day, the Fourth Day of July,
nineteen hundred and seventy-seven, more or less.
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